the one about abusers
Content Warning: This post contains discussion of abuse, sexual assault, and small music community complacency.
There's something truly frustrating about the neurodivergent sense of justice when it comes to living in a world where abusers get a pass, because throughout my entire life I've seen people do or say horrible things in full view of others, only for me to be reprimanded or approached with concern when I point out that said things are horrible.
It'd be the same thing each time; someone in a music community or organization I was involved in would turn out to be a rapist or abuser and the mere act of saying "Yo so I don't want to work with that guy, he's a rapist" was seemingly more scandalous to say out loud than the act of the rape or abuse; it was the most faux pax thing you could possibly say in these situations and I still don't understand why. I'm in my 40's and this makes no sense to me.
I haven't really thought about this in a while but last night I saw a reference to this musician I used to know who was relatively respected in my old community in the bay area.
He had a small but seminal band from the early 00's, but then kinda fell off the radar due to drugs and health stuff and in the years before we moved to the desert he started a few new bands, had a practice space down the hall from us, occasionally asked us to play shows with his projects, etc which was fine - but then he started creeping on my partner; they didn't know each other at all, he just kept sending her incredibly inappropriate unprompted DMs asking her to cheat with him (despite the two of us being the most married monogamous people who ever lived). She kept blocking him on platforms and he kept finding new ways to try to message her.
Which like that's bad, sure, but then it turned out while doing this, he was physically abusing his own (soon to be ex) girlfriend/bandmate to the point where she was hospitalized. There were witnesses and a police report; he only avoided jail time because hey - cops are cops and his ex did not want to be tangled up in pressing charges because he had resources; a chunk of money from a court settlement where he'd injured himself at a music venue that paid him off.
So at the core, he was a creep and an abuser who happened to write some songs people liked in 2003 - and when he unceremoniously died in 2020 from complications of years worth of heath and drug problems, his eulogies were all about what a brilliant mind he was, 'taken too soon' etc etc and I understand that not everyone had the same intimate level of knowledge of his actions that I did but it's just wild to see.
His eulogy website is still up and I found that it's managed by a person who actively worked with a completely different known rapist and pedophile (Eric Fanali) for years after that guy was outed (and forced to close his business, only booking events under other names or under the table) so I guess her concerns aren't entirely on the up and up to begin with.
It's so easy to not rape people. It's so easy to not abuse people. And if someone you know / respect does these things? They're clearly not worthy of that respect.
Anyway. Dominic Miranda was an abuser and a creep. I don't care that he's dead, it's important to say these things. If anything the world is safer without him.